A VERY common theme: I know that my parents “have a guy,” but…
- How do I ask my parents about their plan if they needed care later in life?
- Can I ask my parents if I might receive an inheritance?
- Should I ask my parents what my inheritance “might” be?
- What is expected of me when my parents pass away?
There is no roadmap to approach these conversations if your parents haven’t proactively broached these conversations with you.
That said, I’ve learned in working with many of you through this, if your heart’s the right place, that inherently goes a long way in having a productive conversation.
Typically these are hard conversations to have, considering much of our parents’ generation does not like talking about finances.
And I think it is important to remember that your parents are under no obligation to disclose any of this information, even if it might make your life easier.
In addition, they might decide to only disclose certain aspects of their financial situation or wishes, not the whole nut. Look, this is better than nothing–take the small victory.
Let’s dive in: A great place to begin the conversation is with a genuine heartfelt concern of carrying out the other persons wishes and desires.
“Mom and Dad, if something were to happen to you, am I the person who you’d like to be involved in helping? If not, that’s fine, but have you thought about who that person might be and would you share that with me so that I know where to turn?”
“Have you heard of long-term care benefits? And if you needed care later in life, do you have a plan for it?”
“Have you guys made sure to get your important estate planning documents completed? If so, where do you keep them? Would it be okay if I had a copy for my records?”
NIC NOTE: This isn’t simply about what happens at death, but about what happens if a mental and/or physical limitation occurs. Notarized Power of Attorney documents can save countless time for families.
“Are all your final wishes in writing? If not, can we do that together?”
NIC NOTE: My cousin Jean who I have written about before did not want a funeral, but a visitation where Kenny G and Black Sabbath would be played. An odd request, but her request.
“Do you have a list of all your financial accounts written out? If not, is that something we can do together?”
NIC NOTE: Sometimes people might be hesitant to give account balances to you, but they might be willing to list out where everything is. Take it. It’s a huge win!
If your parents aren’t ready to have that conversation, don’t push it.
I would close with letting them know that if they are even willing to have that conversation with you that you would welcome it.
Finally, encourage them that if they aren’t ready to have that conversation today that maybe they could begin with writing down or journaling some thoughts that they have.
It can be a heavy conversation, and people can be caught off guard.
Allowing them to journal can help them get their thoughts on paper and be better prepared to have the conversation yourself and potentially other siblings.
